


Answer Me

by kayamaria



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-23 00:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6098422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayamaria/pseuds/kayamaria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren wants to kill himself. One-Shot. WARNING, Triggers for Depression and Suicide</p>
            </blockquote>





	Answer Me

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING, Triggers for Depression and Suicide

“What the fuck gives you the right?”,   
the familiar voice hissed from behind him.   
But Eren didn’t bother to turn around, he couldn’t face his corporal. Not now. 

Staring down into the abyss, that opened just at the tip of his toes, he heard the whispers of all his nights drenched in torment and suffering. He felt the exhilarating sensation of choking on tears, begging for it all to end. He felt the weight of his own soul crushing him, pushing him just that inch further, so it would all, finally, end. 

Eren was hoping for silence. And numbness. That’s all he wanted from death. 

“Brat! Face me, you fucking coward!”  
Levi’s words had lost their monotone air, instead they were laced with the bitter taste of hatred. And possibly, fear.   
They crashed into the whirl of mind-numbing thoughts bringing Eren’s head close to bursting. 

A sigh escaping the young boy’s lungs. He obeyed and turned, slowly. 

Had he not been paralysed from his inner turmoil, his corporal’s burning silver eyes would have done the trick, he was sure.   
Yet, as much respect he felt for Rivaille, the moment their gazes met, Eren knew his feelings for the older man would not hind him from taking his own life.

Over the last year, life had become nothing but a shadow, everything, from voices to touches to emotions, had appeared behind a mist in his mind.   
There was no clarity, no right or wrong, and there wasn’t any certainty to his thoughts.   
He could no longer trust himself, he had lost control.  
The only energy pushing him was pain.   
And pain was a draining source of life. 

Levi stared at the boy that stood at the ledge.   
A shiver wandered up the spin when he was met with the usual gold eyes, hardened in conviction.   
He clenched his fists, anger pooling at the bottom of his stomach.

“How fucking dare you?”, came his growl. 

Eren raised his brow. He remained silent, though.   
For once, he felt, he had nothing to say. Not anymore.

“Do you think you’re the only one suffering, Brat?”, Levi spat, pulling the attention of those green eyes into his own orbit. 

“Do you think you’re the only one in pain?   
The only one who has wanted to end all of this fucked up misery we go through each and every day?  
Do you honestly believe that?   
How can you be that self-involved, you little shit?” 

Without wanting to, Levi had closed some distance between them, body trembling in blinding hatred for the teenager.

“And even if life is so much fucking harder for you than anyone else  
Even if, for some damn reason, you feel more pain than any of us,  
Why the fuck do you think you deserve to end it for yourself?”

He was screaming now, every syllable was pronounced with a sting, a wild hurricane of rage and pain in them, revealing just how serious Levi was.

Eren couldn’t move, couldn’t budge.  
He was standing there, rooted to the edge of it all.  
Having no choice but to listen.  
Levi could do that, freeze him in a moment, forcing him to follow his lead. 

“Listen, you shitty little Brat!  
We all suffer!   
We all have pain!  
We all want to end it!   
But, why the fuck, would I let myself?  
Why the fuck do you think you deserve to break free from this nightmare?”

At that, Eren broke eye-contact, for the first time, leaving him to stare blindly into the dirty ground. 

The motion only riled Levi up, more.

“Tell me, Brat, because I am fucking curious!  
Why do you deserve to free yourself from all this pain?  
Answer Me!”

Rivaille had unconsciously inched closer with each word he had yelled.  
Finally, he was stood just two arm-lengths away from his Brat, who was still avoiding the demanding gaze.

He felt the urge to kick Eren, hard, painful.   
Maybe even hard enough to lose a tooth again.   
Most likely much harder than that.

“Jaeger! Answer Me!”, came the low-pitched growl. 

Eren remained silent and still. He didn’t even flinch at the command. 

“Okay, then”, Levi groaned, more to himself.

With a leap he landed in front of the taller soldier and swiftly kicked the boy’s knees, the light assault forcing Eren to the ground in front of him.   
Falling onto his right knee, Levi grabbed onto a few brown strands of hair and pulled, their gazes colliding, anew. 

“Oi, Brat, were you even listening?”, Levi seethed. 

With his free fist he punched the boy’s motionless face.

Eren didn’t react - he just stared into his corporal hate-filled eyes. 

The corporal pulled harder at the hair, straining the scalp with a burn. 

With a sudden movement Levi sent the boy flying behind him, away from the depth, and into the dirty ground. 

A groan escaped the young man when he face-planted onto the hard surface.   
But he still didn’t say anything.

Eren didn’t know the answer.   
He remained unmoving and awaited the next assault. 

But nothing happened.   
Another punch, another kick, never came. 

Confused, the boy slowly, carefully, scrambled into a more upward position, weary eyes wandering in search of Levi. 

The corporal was kneeling at the edge.  
Head hanging low, face hidden behind black hair.  
Hands were still balled into fists, still clenching tightly. 

“Tell me, Eren, why would you allow yourself to be free of all this?”,  
his voice had returned to an untouchable, dull, sound. 

Yet, Eren was sure to hear it break at the end.

“I don’t know, Sir.”, escaped his mouth in a whisper. 

Levi looked up, but not into his direction.

Than with a elegant movement he hoisted himself back onto his feet.

Without another word, he started to walk away.   
His Brat, still a safe distance from the pit, remained slightly over-whelmed where he had thrown him. 

But before Rivaille was out of ear-shot, he heard the young man quietly speak:  
“I’m sorry”.


End file.
